Kief bowls and Overthinking at 3 AM

I can’t sleep.

I guess it’s due to my constant overthinking.

Of what you ask?

Simple. I’m not sure.

I feel like I’ve been catching myself in that state of mind where I’m caught in the middle and I’m overwhelmed by the thought of so many options, that I completely freeze. Unable to move and clearly think of what my next action will define and be.

Is that what happens when you accomplish a goal? You’re satisfied for the moment being, the feeling of excitement and happiness wears off after the “honeymoon” weeks of getting/accomplishing something new and then you’re lost again.

The goal was already obtained. So now is there nothing else left to do, but maintain it?

I guess of course keeping something, anything as a matter of fact, is a journey and mission of its own. But does that mean I have to start accumulating other goals as soon as possible in order to keep on feeling fulfilled or satisfied?

Maybe it’s just me, but it takes a lot out of me, energy wise, when I finish or complete something I’ve been working on. Whether it be for a small amount of time or not, I always feel drained. Due to my Libran nature, I am already struggling with the many possibilities and options I could choose from when I am creating or working towards something. With always being able to see the perspectives of all sides and constantly hassling with my indecisiveness, I try to get things done in a timely manner. If there isn’t a deadline. Not to mention my Ascendant sign is in Aries, which is Libra’s ideal opposite. So my thoughts and feelings are constantly conflicting.

Could you imagine what that’s like?

To be a walking contradiction. Inside and out.

Maybe, just maybe I’m looking too much into it. I mean the definition to over think is:

overthink-define-overthink-at-dictionary-com

Remarkably, ironic.

I always tend to do this. I live in my head 75% of the time and when I am dwelling and dallying around in my mind, majority of the time it’s completely white noise. Or maybe this better describes it; its like if auto-cruise had a sound, it would be that. I’m literally just coasting around, eyes wide, taking in the scenery and being completely astonished by how far-fetched and real my ideas, thoughts and feelings are. It’s like being a tourist in a new city you’ve never been to before, utterly engulfed by the lights and sounds all around you. Overwhelmed and not sure of what to attend to, enjoy or experience first.

That’s me. Inside of me.

Awesome, right?

To have your self, the mainland, to be territory that’s uncharted. To be a foreigner in your home country. It’s scary sometimes. At the moment though, I’m trying to look on the bright side and just try to imagine this as a really cheap opportunity to travel. Even though I haven’t physically traveled anywhere, I feel like I’ve already sailed quite a distance.

 

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