I was terrible at falling in love. Even when I pretended to be perfect at it, deep down inside I always knew I wasn’t cut out for it. I think I truly started to realize this or come to this conclusion when I noticed patterns in my love life falling to facade. I feel like I was always cut short or deprived of the full ride or journey of falling in love. I was always considered “not good enough” or given the excuses “it’s not you, it’s me” or the famous “I’m going through a lot right now in my life and I need to focus on myself at the moment”.
Maybe it wasn’t me. Maybe it was the fact that that person had a lot going on in their life and they truly couldn’t handle the stress and responsibilities of being in a relationship. Either way I always put my heart and soul in it 100%. Frankly, it didn’t matter who I was dating at the moment.
You see when I dated someone I fell in love quick and hard. Outside appearances and materialistic items didn’t matter to me. So my infamous love life couldn’t have been caused by the fact that the people I’ve dated thought I wasn’t serious enough, wasn’t attracted to them or thought that they didn’t offer me what I needed. It had to be something else. Curse that demonlord. Always giving me the short end of the stick.
I couldn’t be the only one who felt like this. Suddenly Boxcar Racer started echoing through my head. Pretend it’s all okay, that there’s someone out there who feels just like me…. there is.
“Demon lord is that you?” I jokingly panicked. Nope, just my mind using its internal defense mechanism to ease my thoughts and worries.
“Blasphemy,” I whispered to myself under my breath.
Of course there were others who felt my pain and believed they were cursed with the same rotten luck as me. Knowing that always comforted me; to a certain extent that is. Either way something’s got to give.